The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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