So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
