Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
