Duck Duck Cougar?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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