I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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