were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
