she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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