i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I believe in your delicious
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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