I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
