And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We got so high we made milksteak
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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