I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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