I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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