Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
