Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
