All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
