Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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