The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
