I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
