I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
