but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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