YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
