well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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