I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
