the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
