You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
