$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
