my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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