remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
