i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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