Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
