i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
