I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
