I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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