If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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