Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
