Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
