But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
