I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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