i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
