I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Randomize
