I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Randomize
