so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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