That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
