I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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