No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
