I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
