Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
