it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
