You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
