I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
