She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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